Keeping the Marriage Together

Esther 1:12

But when the attendants delivered the king’s command, Queen Vashti refused to come. Then the king became furious and burned with anger.

Let’s say you’re a wealthy and generous king who has spent a lot of time sharing the wealth of the kingdom with the people of your city. On the last night of the banquet, you want to show off not only the beautiful things of the kingdom, but also the beautiful people of the kingdom. The first person who comes to mind is your wife, the queen. You send someone to get her so you can brag about how beautiful the queen is.

However, she rejects your invitation to appear at your banquet. She’s having a little banquet of her own and won’t leave her party to join yours.

First, it’s bad form to disobey the king. Second, it wasn’t like you were asking the queen to come clean up all the empty beer bottles. You simply wanted to impress your friends with the rich treasure of beauty found in the kingdom. You were asking her to be adored by her fans. And third, you were concerned about the possibility of her banquet turning into a man-bashing party after she refused to leave her friends.

You knew something had to be done to prevent the spread of the disease called disrespect, so you asked a friend for advice. He said to replace her with someone more deserving.

Today, that’s called divorce.

Sometimes we don’t see that coming. We don’t see the little hints that we’re headed in the wrong direction in the marriage. Both spouses feel they deserve better, but each one isn’t willing to accept that change must begin with himself or herself.

The best way to keep the marriage together is romance.

I don’t mean buying gifts for each other. I mean the humility of romance. Having consideration for the other person must be at the forefront of the relationship. Each must honor the other. Romance always begins with one person being kind and thoughtful. When one is energetically and enthusiastically helpful to the other, having listened to the needs before jumping into action, the other one usually reciprocates.

Romance is always give and take. You are patient with their faults, and they’re patient with yours. You celebrate their strengths, and they celebrate yours. When each one shines the spotlight on the other, selflessness takes a bow. When you shine your spotlight on yourself, selfishness starts a storm of greed and self-destruction.

In the first chapter of the book of Esther, Queen Vashti was shining the spotlight on herself. With that bright light on herself, she couldn’t see well. The bright light in her own eyes blinded her to what could’ve been a marriage-affirming moment. Instead, she let her lack of humility steal not only her position as queen in a prosperous kingdom, but also her position as wife of a generous man.

Queen Vashti was a beautiful woman. However, if the beauty is only skin deep, it’s forgettable.

Marriage requires both spouses to think of the other person’s needs. You can keep your marriage as your happy place if you stay in the humility of romance.

Esther

Esther 5:4

“If it pleases the king,” replied Esther, “let the king, together with Haman, come today to a banquet I have prepared for him.”

During the time of King Xerxes, Haman and Mordecai were enemies. They were opposites in their character and in their goals. When all the royal officials at the king’s gate knelt down before Haman because the king was honoring him, Mordecai, a Jew, wouldn’t kneel. Haman decided not to make Mordecai pay for his refusal to honor him. Instead, he’d make all of the Jews pay with their lives because of Mordecai.

Queen Esther sent a servant to find out about the rumor that Mordecai was in mourning, and she sent him clothes to wear instead of sackcloth. Mordecai refused the clothes and sent a message back to her. The only one who could save the Jews was the king. Esther would have to plead with him to save her life and the lives of all the Jews because she, being a Jew, would also die if the destruction of the Jews wasn’t stopped.

Mordecai advised her to speak to the king about this. Esther knew she would be risking her life by going to the king without being summoned, but she did it anyway. However, she didn’t explain the terror her people were facing. She simply invited the king and his right hand man, Haman, to a banquet to honor the king. She was able to show strength in a life and death situation.

If Esther had emailed or texted her request to the King, she might have put a winky-smile emoticon in there for good measure. But that would’ve given away the fact that she had something up her sleeve. At the first banquet, she invited them to a second banquet, where she would reveal her connection to the destruction of the Jews. Can you imagine having the patience to set up two banquets and rehearsing what to say to the king so that he could understand exactly what the problem was?

She wasn’t arrogant or vengeful. Esther knew the king would be able to stop the impending disaster, but she had to bring up the issue the right way.  It was clear to the king that she wasn’t just trying to save herself, but her people and the people of Mordecai, the man who had already proven himself a huge asset to the king when he exposed an assassination attempt by two of the king’s officers.

Esther’s patience paid off. When she told the king of Haman’s plot to destroy her and her people, the king left the room in anger. Haman ran to where Esther was reclining to beg her to change the king’s mind. The king came back into the room to find Haman falling on the couch beside Esther, and he remembered that Haman had set up a pole on which to impale Mordecai and display his dead body. The king ordered that Haman be impaled on the pole he set up for Mordecai.

The king saved Esther’s life, but also allowed Mordecai to write an edict in the king’s name that would override the edict to kill all the Jews.

I love this story because of the example Esther gives to all women. Being beautiful is nice, but it’s not enough to stop a massacre. If a woman wants to change the world, she has to be strong, patient, and wise enough to listen to the good advice of others.

 

Stopping the Villain

Esther 2:22

But Mordecai found out about the plot and told Queen Esther, who in turn reported it to the king, giving credit to Mordecai.

Mordecai was a hero. He not only stopped a plot to assassinate the king, but also helped save an entire race of people. According to Esther 10:3, Mordecai, who was a Jew and not of the same nationality as the king, became second in rank to the king because he spoke up for the good of others.

He sounds similar to Joseph who also was promoted to second highest rank in the nation he served. Mordecai and Joseph, though they were both of a different nationality than their bosses, saved their families from certain death. Joseph’s family would’ve starved, but Mordecai’s would’ve died by the hand of their enemies because of the evil Haman who had tricked the king into approving the destruction of the Jews.

Mordecai’s wisdom guided Queen Esther’s steps as both of them played their part in the successful campaign against Haman.

Queen Esther’s story is much more than a Cinderella story because of Mordecai’s influence in her life. Her life before she became queen prepared her for the role she would play in saving her people. She made sure Mordecai was given credit for his righteous acts. When the king was reminded of Mordecai’s heroism, it wasn’t long before the villain was defeated.

Mordecai was a hero, not because of his glimmering smile and well-muscled body, but because of his integrity, intelligence, wisdom, and reverence for the king. I don’t know what Mordecai looked like, but I do know what he acted like. Mordecai was a man of honor.

You can read this riveting story in the book of Esther as you seek God with me.

Esther's Secret

Esther 2:20

But Esther had kept secret her family background and nationality just as Mordecai had told her to do, for she continued to follow Mordecai's instructions as she had done when he was bringing her up.

The month of December is difficult for me because that’s when we buy presents and hide them until Christmas day. I have to work to keep quiet about my kids’ presents. I can’t wait to give the gifts, so I try not to giggle about the way I think they’ll react when they open them. Over the years, I’ve learned to be patient. It’s hard, but I can keep a secret.

I admire the way Queen Esther could keep her secret before and after she became queen. She went through a year of preparation before she was chosen by the king. After she received her crown, she waited until the right moment before she said anything. That must’ve been hard.

She notified the king of an assassination plot and made him aware that Mordecai was the one who discovered it. But she didn’t reveal her secret.

Mordecai was her uncle, and they were Jews. But Mordecai taught Esther to wait until the time was right to tell the king of her heritage.

Because of an evil man named Haman, the king was persuaded to issue an order for the destruction of the Jews. Mordecai told Esther to go before the king and plead for mercy. He reminded her that she would be found out and executed along with all the other Jews if the order was carried out. She knew her crown wouldn’t save her, but God would.

She risked her life by appearing before the king, but he was glad to see her and didn’t mind the interruption. Instead of falling at the king’s feet and begging for mercy, Queen Esther invited Haman and the king to a banquet. That night, she invited him to a second banquet and promised to explain why she was doing this.

The king was outraged when she finally told him that Haman had convinced the king to order the deaths of all the Jews, including herself. A servant told the king that Haman had erected a gallows to put an end to Mordecai, who had been faithful to the king and had saved the king’s life by alerting him about the assassination plot. The king made sure Haman was hung on his own gallows.

Then Esther asked the king for mercy since the order to kill the Jews had already been issued. Mordecai was allowed to write a decree to cancel the first. The king gave his signet ring to him to use on the decree so it couldn’t be revoked.

Esther, because of her wisdom, saved her people by revealing her secret at the right time. The Jews promised to celebrate every year at the same time so they wouldn’t forget how they got relief from their enemies.

That’s worth keeping a secret for a little while.